B R A V E (For the faint of heart)

Not all doctors are brave. I am not. I will always hesitate to volunteer if someone asks for a doctor in a plane. I would pray not to get a patient needing emergency cardiac intervention when I was in training. No arrhythmia please.  No cardiac tamponade please. (Just google those terms.) I will probably be the last to volunteer in a plane.

I remember a time when  a flight attendant asked for a doctor (“Is there any doctor onboard?”).  I pointed to my husband.  My husband was quick to ask “how old is the patient?”  Lucky me.  The patient was a child.  “Ok. Me. Kid doctor.” 

I’m no hero.  I fear for my life.  I fear for the life of family and friends. How can I not?  Especially during this pandemic.  How many doctors, people have passed on.   I’m not too excited about life after death.  Though I know my maker will meet me there. 

At a time when frontliner heroes are applauded and praised, I would rather be giving the applause. Unless I’m required, or if there is no one else to do it.  ”Really, no one else?  Ok. Me.” I’m not brave. 

My body resists being fielded in the frontline, or going to the hospital at all.  Why else will my hand eczema worsen? I am forbidden to use alcohol.  What worse time not to be able to use alcohol! 

 One time, during this lockdown, I went to the supermarket, and stared at the handle of the cart…longer than ever.  How will I hold this without using alcohol.  Eyes closed,  I held it.  Thinking about the virus feasting on my hands, I poured alcohol.  Pain.  Pain.  Pain! Despite the pain I poured alcohol (can that count for bravery?), every time I get an item and put it in the cart.  Since then, my husband did the grocery shopping. I’m definitely not brave without alcohol. And that’s just in the supermarket. 

I have been on home quarantine for a few weeks now. The same length of time I haven’t seen a patient face to face. Sure I received calls and given digital prescriptions. I’ve attended staff meetings and educational conferences online. Checked student submissions through e-mail. Went on phone “medical hotline” duties. But there was no need to go to the hospital.  I kept praying for the frontliners.  And not just because I feared for their lives (do you get what I mean 😬). I’m not brave. 

So I received a patient referral the other night.  (Ominous background music…) Go to the hospital?  Every surface, every personnel, every equipment, possibly the air may have the virus?!? I think I need brains more than courage now. 😘 Yes, I went. Protected myself. Poured alcohol on gloved hands.  Had trouble wearing a PPE – personal protective equipment (The mask seems be engraving its straps on my face.  And the shoe cover loosened, I walked dragging it).  Good we did not really need PPEs in the area I visited.   Or do we?  (I hear ominous music again).  No one was wearing them.  I just requested for them.  Better safe than sorry.  Better be criticized than have regrets.   No such thing as too much protection. Then I can pretend to be brave. 😊

But yes, why not? Pretend to be brave.  Do what you need to do.  Didn’t God promise to be with us? Weren’t we placed in this specific place at this specific time by God himself to do good and do His work?  (And preach the gospel!) Didn’t God promise these seeming troubles will only be for a time, because our main and prime time is being with Him in Paradise? There is certainly no virus there!  Didn’t God tell us to “be brave,” and “fear not,” for He cares for us and He will help us? Be brave Ninang!  (Ok!) At least pretend to be. 

I received another referral today.  PPE please. Will PBB… Pretend to Be Brave.   😘🙂

Me. Brave. You. Be brave.

— Ninang, braving viral thoughts 🤔

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,I will fear no evil,for you are with me;your rod and your staff,they comfort me.”

Psalms 23:4

🙏No virus ( or man, science, or pandemic) is a match for the Will of God.🙏Help us Lord. We beseech thee. Please end this pandemic, in accordance with your good, pleasing, and perfect will. We trust in you.✨

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

Proverbs 19:21

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

Featured Image from FB page of BossLogic


“For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.”
Isaiah 41:13 | NIV

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